Just another rope guy.

I have heard it a thousand times, in a thousand different ways.

Aren’t you just another rope guy?

As if any of us could be encapsulated into a single overriding fetish. Sure, there are some that take their obsession with <<insert literally anything here>> and can become identified primarily with that one thing, but does that mean that they are ONLY that? I love Cookies ‘n Cream ice cream, but does that mean I am going to turn down a Rocky Road when it is offered?

Aren’t you just another rope guy?

I understand that rope is the vogue thing right now, and has been for the last several years. But, before that it was whips, and before that it was Gor, and before that it was something else. These things go through seasons, and yeah a bunch of really irritating people “jump on the bandwagon”, but that does not give you, me, or Lord High AllMighty SUPERDOM the right to disparage the entire fetish. So it may not be your thing for whatever reason, that does not mean that my kink is any less important to me than yours is to you. (And, vice versa, but that is another topic)

Aren’t you just another rope guy?

Yes, I am male, and unapologetically so. But I do not give a fuck about your gender, my gender, or anyone else’s gender. I think it should be irrelevant to anything aside from… oh wait, there is no exception. But I do identify as a male. Deal with it. But do not ever assume that because I am both male and a recognized adept in my chosen field that I am going to look down on you because you are none of those things. You are a young, attractive, curious female bodied person that identifies as a Rope Top? Fuck yes, let us talk rope nerd. You choose your own damn path, and I will interact with you in whatever role you prefer. Or multiple roles if you prefer that.

Aren’t you just another rope guy?

In this instance, yes, I am. I am a part of a community that has grown up around and blossomed within the greater kink community. There are lots of people that are like me that love rope. Even within that community, I am in an even further subcultured community in that I have a passion and skill that people have recognized and wish to emulate and learn from. That has brought me the benefit of knowing other incredibly talented and amazing people that share my level of enthusiasm and obsession with a thing, and that allows me to talk to them utilizing a vocabulary that a lot of people simply do not have.

But that does not make me special.

Aren’t you just another rope guy?

No. I am not.

And here is the thing that a lot of people seem to not realize or remember: I am a Leather Man first, a Daddy second, an Owner third, a Sadist fourth, and THEN I am a Rope Top. I have been in this lifestyle for a lot longer than you might think, long before I ever really started utilizing rope as a primary tool. Control, Domination/submission, sadism/masochism, protocol, eroticism, photography, all of these came into my life before I ever realized that I have a talent for a medium that people seem to love and obsess over.

I love rope. I really do. But it only features prominently in my life alongside many other things. It is a tool that I love to use, but in the end, it is just a tool. The passion I have is for people. I love touching people. I love communing with them. I love watching the person I am playing with run the insanity gauntlet of emotions while I am playing with them. I love being there when the realization dawns that they may have made a mistake, then the relief when it is over and they realize that they were stronger than they thought.

I love watching people fall in love with an experience. I love giving them that experience. I love tasting their fear, their hate, their love, their passion, their lust, their arousal, their excitement, their terror….. The list is nearly endless.

But that does not make me just another rope guy.

Traveling and sharing my passions with the kink community is really hard work. Most people assume that getting to do what I do is a dream come true, and in many ways they would absolutely be right. I get to spend half of my weekends each year doing crazy sexy cool things with some incredible people.

But it takes a tremendous amount of work. Hours and hours of practice. Hours of sitting in airports, or driving, or on airplanes, or busses, or trains. Even more hours developing classes that effectively communicate what people want to learn. It means living out of a suitcase for more weekends than I do not. It means (more often than not) spending this awesome and amazing time away from the people that I love. It means spending an entire day pouring my heart and soul into a thing, and going “home” to an empty hotel room, or at least one that my partner is not in.

It means a tremendous financial burden, because, shocking as it may be, kink presenters are not paid very much. Sure, we get to travel a lot, and now I will not travel unless the place I am traveling to picks up the tab. But that does not always mean breaking even. It means I often have to take extended days off of work to go and do something that I am passionate about, and to share it with people that are hopefully as passionate about it as I am.

It means that often I wonder if I am going to be able to pay my bills, because instead of working at my (not very lucrative job) I am sharing space with people I barely know. It is stressful and wonderful and exhausting and amazing and worrisome and incredible and lonely and and and and….

But you know what? I keep doing it. I choose to keep doing it. When someone reaches out to me, and asks what it takes to get me to go to whatever event, I work with them to make it happen. I give up my time, my health, my financial security, my sanity, and my private self, so that I can continue to travel and share and help people.

Why?

Because I am, at the end of the day, a Leather Man. That means that I hold to a path that I believe is far bigger than I am. That means that I ardently adhere to the philosophy that the skills and talents that I have do not belong to me. Rather, I hold them in trust for the greater community as a whole, and the people that will come after.

I have been presented with some amazing opportunities. Yes, I have worked very hard to acquire the skills and knowledge that I possess. I have dumped hours and hours of my time, loads of my money, and lots of blood, sweat, and tears into the skills that I hold.

But even when I have done everything in my power to acquire those skills, they would not be available to me unless I was a part of a community. A community that provides, that shares its' knowledge, that is welcoming, that is nurturing, that allows for opportunity to exist and the impetus to go and get it. So many people have stood before me, that have given me a hand up, shared advice, words of wisdom, of caution, of love, of motivation. I have sat for hours asking endless questions to people that I respect and admire, and they have sat there with me, sharing with me their knowledge and skill.

I am where I am today because someone who came before helped me climb that ladder just a little bit higher. They took some time to stop along their own path and to turn and shine a light back along mine to help me see where I am going. I owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to each and every one of them, and I refuse to ignore that debt.

This is what Leather means to me. Yes, there are protocols, fetishes, codified knowledge, traditions, and rituals. Hell, there may even be some secret handshakes. But these are ever only part of the path, not the path itself. To me? Leather is about self actualization, about bettering oneself through the assistance and guidance of others. And when the opportunity comes for me to turn around and be that light for someone else? You better believe that I will turn and give it. Not out of hubris, or ego, or self aggrandizement, but out of humility, gratitude, a heartfelt appreciation for everyone who has done the same to me.

Aren’t you just another rope guy?

No. I am a Leather Man, and I am fucking proud to call myself one.