In Service

How is it that some people feel that it is completely acceptable to wholly take leave of their senses?

What is it about D/s that breeds megalomaniac insanity? All right, I understand that being on the left side of the slash makes you feel powerful, but must that be at the expense of everyone around you?

There are a few things that I never really understood about D/s and the lifestyle in general. First, I don’t understand why some D-types feel the need to stress their D-ness on every single s-type around them, treating them like chattel, and yet expecting to be treated with the utmost respect and worship. Second, and it generally involves the same people, I don’t understand the idiot practice of “Dom-topping”.

Let’s descend into it for a bit, shall we?

So, you’ve decided to take the step into the BDSM lifestyle. You’ve decided that your lot in this world is to exist on the left side, and thus Your Name becomes synonymous with God Herself. The birds sing your praises, the hordes of the unwashed all bow and worship the ground upon which you walk, and all of those that exist in the Lifestyle that aren’t on the left side alongside Yourself are to be used as slaves and treated as though they are meaningless.

Wrong.

This lifestyle is full of all kinds of people. There are some that truly enjoy being broken down and used and abused, people that love being treated like trash, spoken down to, insulted... by the people that they love and respect. You, regardless of how many years you’ve been putting on your leather chaps and boots, are a veritable stranger. Even if you have a huge reputation, dozens of leather titles, bondage awards, headline appearances, you do not have the right to just go around treating them like they are worthless.

Even though there are some people that love being treated like they are worthless, that doesn’t give you the right to treat ALL people like they are worthless. Whatever happened to respect and being polite? So what, you have a title. I respect that you worked hard and got a covering, or your tireless work and dedication has earned you the reputation as one of the great Nawashi, or your photography is some of the best in the fetish world, that does not give you the right to stomp on everyone around you.

Over and over again I see people, big names and small, treat all the non D-types in a room like they’re nothing. Casually giving orders like some sort of miniature potentate, bossing everyone around, treating people with the casual disrespect of the imminently self-absorbed. It’s tremendously disrespectful, and it drives me up the wall.

I have been guilty of this as well.

I know what it is like to walk into a room full of people that know who I am, that respect my work and my knowledge, that fall all over themselves to provide whatever I want. It’s a heady drug, powerful, intoxicating, addicting. I’ve looked back over my reaction to this with horror. I have no right to chastise anyone for this behavior, because I have engaged in it myself. It is wrong, and abhorrent, and stupid. It lessens me as a man, even if my behavior is accepted, understood, expected.

Treat everyone with respect. Behave in a way that is above reproach. All are deserving of basic forms of courtesy, regardless of some sort of supposed “rank”. I have disregarded this too many times, for even once is too many, and I am utterly disgusted with it.

I strive towards service.

In all my exalted D-type ness, I strive to serve the community, the lifestyle that has sheltered and helped me. This is my life, the blood of my essence, the thing that lets me sleep at night knowing that when I wake up, I’ll still be a member of a group of people that will accept me for me, and not just because I can do cool shit with a camera or a length of braided grass.

When I travel, I am in service to the Event that I am traveling to. I take it as a personal goal of mine to help, to answer questions, to be accessible. If I can help only one person to find a deeper understanding of this whole kink thing we’re involved in, I will consider the trip a success. If one person can take something I share and can bring it into practice in their own life, then I will know that my service was a success.

In the end, I want to be known as a kink/lifestyle educator. Not as a photographer, not as a mad scientist of sadism, or even as a rope top. I love this world, I’ve given up more than you will ever know to remain a part of it, because I cannot simply cut it out of my heart and soul. And as you have given to me, I will give of myself until there is nothing left to share.

But, even this, does not grant me some sort of freakish “betterness”. I am just like you. A person first, a kinkster second. It doesn’t grant me magical powers. It doesn’t make me greater or lesser than anyone else. It doesn’t give me license to treat anyone like shit, in fact it should force me to treat everyone with respect, whether I believe that they deserve it or not. You are people. You are family. I should always treat you as such.

Unless you consent to otherwise. Then I will piss on your soul and shatter your beautiful little world.

On Rope Bombing

Recently, I was approached by a fellow rigger who just received a bunch of flak for going on a rope bombing expedition. He asked for my help and support, and I give it whole-heartedly. However, his situation highlighted a few things about the whole concept of rope bombing, and how it relates to "outing the scene". So, I'd like to share a few of my experiences.

I've now gone on many guerrilla shibari excursions in several cities in two countries. Big or small, my list of cities I've tied publicly in keeps growing, and I have never had a single bad experience in dealing with the local constabulary, and only one negative one while dealing with a member of the general public. I contrast that with over a dozen positive interactions with the police, and more excellent interactions with the public than I can recall.

I live in a very very conservative city. While it may be a rather large city in both population and actual square mileage, it is a city where all local politics are dominated by a central huge and extremely conservative christian church. They are elitist, conservative to a T, and very much against progressive thought. Ever wonder why there isn't a working semi-public dungeon in Jacksonville? It's because of that church. Small town lack of openness to progressive thinking isn't limited to small towns, I assure you.

And yet, even though I've been approached by the police several times during my excursions, I've never once been asked to stop, told to leave, threatened with imprisonment or fines, or anything other than curiosity and a polite respect for the work I'm engaging in. Even when my bottom jokingly told a random passerby that she needed help (seriously? why?) the police officer just walked up, asked if everything was ok, and then ambled off on his own business.

That doesn't mean we've never been stopped. We were tying in Atlanta, but we were tying in the Coca-Cola park, and a police sergeant showed up and asked us what we were doing. He asked if we had permission from Coke to take photos there, and we said no. He then told us we couldn't shoot there, completely ignoring the fact that my partner was all tied up. He didn't care in the least about that. Not only that, when I asked him if he knew any better places to shoot, he suggested several that were in walking distance from where we were. He was polite, non confrontational, even helpful.

Again and again, we have gone on rope excursions, and again and again we've been approached by the curious, the impressed, the polite. Not everyone has been polite, but most are merely curious. The single instance where someone wasn't, it was an old hobo that was clearly crazy. Ranting and raving about how what we were doing "wasn't right". In the end? He decided that we should all just pee on the model hanging there, and went on and on about it.

Now, this is just my experience. When I set up for a rope run, I rarely plan anything specific. My partner and I go where we can and we just set up and tie. If I'm planning something risky, I plan it seriously. I take a crew with me, and we do it fast. We pre-tie everything we can, set up, shoot, take down and go. Even then, there are rules I follow.

For unplanned expeditions, I never shoot nudes or even nearly nudes. Fully clothed, at all times. I also never tie in any way that is provocative or sensual. It's all business machine tying. Quick, efficient, and as visually appealing as I can make it without including nudity or suggestive behavior. I also will not tie around children or the elderly. If I'm in a place where there are a bunch of kids playing, no dice. If I find a playground that looks like it'd be an awesome shoot location, I don't tie until late late at night.

If I am making a planned expedition, I never do full nudes. Pasties or electrical tape, with panties. To this date, I have never made an exception to this rule. I also make sure I have at least one other person with me. They either help with the tie, take the photo, or stand lookout. If I have a crew, we all have an assigned task, a specific goal in mind, and we plan each step of the event.

When we get curious onlookers, I answer their questions politely and quickly. I never turn it into a show or do anything to garner extra attention. I don't include anyone outside the group in what we're doing. I never let anyone touch my bottom, I never offer to tie anyone up, I never reach out and engage them. Speed, efficiency, and safety are my primary concerns, then I worry about the photograph. I keep my eyes open, I do not allow myself to get completely drawn into the act of tying, I maintain awareness of everything going on around me.

When the police arrive, we stop everything as safely and swiftly as possible. If I'm in the middle of a lift, I get my bottom to a safe place and stop. If I'm shooting, it's over. We converse with the police officer as clearly and honestly as possible. We are artists, engaging in a free speech activity, not intentionally breaking any laws. We comply with any lawful requests made by the police, politely responding to everything they ask.

And that's the key. At no point do I engage in aggressive or antagonistic activities. Even when the bum was hurling insults at us, we were polite and respectful. We did not engage with him at his level, nor did we just coldly dismiss him. Ultimately, we were forced to just ignore him as we finished up what we were doing, but never once did we allow ourselves to be drawn into a confrontation.

As for outing our scene or the scene of the people we are visiting? We've never had a complaint about it. I'm sure there have been a few that didn't like it, but they have never spoken to me about it. Because here's the thing. I'm not outing anyone. Everyone volunteers, no one shows up risking anything they're not prepared to risk. Even then, we don't engage in any activities that reflect any of the other aspects of the lifestyle. I don't hang my bottom and beat her. I don't ductape her mouth and play interrogation while they're hanging. I don't do abduction play, or humiliation/degradation. When I'm tying rope on the run, that's all I am doing. It is art, and it is fun, it is not about BDSM or even really about bondage.

Most people that watch what we are doing aren't thinking about fetish or how we're doing some sort of kinky bondage-y thing. We're joking around, laughing, playing. My bottom and I routinely laugh and talk to each other the entire time, maintaining an atmosphere of light-hearted fun, nothing threatening or dirty. Just two people, possibly lovers, having a good time expressing themselves in a way that is clearly artistic and fun.

So, in the end, rope bombing does have a risk, it is dangerous, for a multitude of reasons. Yes, someone could be offended and get butthurt by thinking that we are forcing our kink on other people, that we are outing. We really aren't, but that doesn't keep people from thinking that. Someone with ill intentions might walk up on your setup and decide to do something nefarious and dangerous. The cops might show up and you might get fined, or even spend the night in jail. There are risks, as with everything, but that doesn't stop me from engaging in my art.

When my muse calls, I can't help but listen.

Equality

Marriage.

A word, like many others, yet attached to an act that is treated as a sacred oath by many people all over the world. The institution has been called outdated, pointless, sacred, specific, a joke, unequal. It has been lauded, laughed at, scorned, adored, revered, insulted. Some call it a useless anachronism linking us to a past we no longer need, while others use it as a rallying cry to forward their own agendas, and still others cling tightly to it while the world shatters around them.

I have heard it said many many times, usually by straight people talking to non-straight people, “Why keep fighting for it? It’s a useless affectation, and it doesn’t change the way you feel about your partner!” Except that it means so much more than that, but most heteronormative people can never really understand that. To many, if not most of them, it is an institution that is so built into their psyche that it is often taken for granted. “Of course, when I’m ready, I’ll find some girl to get hitched to, spawn a few kids, settle down.”

To these people, even those that revere it, it is taken as a given that if they find the right person, they will get married and move through the rest of their life in wedded bliss, happy in their little institution. They move through life with only ever wondering if they can afford the right cake, or the perfect dress, or if they can get a real band and not a DJ, which church to have it in, to host it outside or inside, what time of year, all of these little minute details building up to something many people have been looking forward to their entire life.

Except, for some, it may never be a reality. No matter how many dresses she looks at, she might never get the opportunity to marry the woman she has given her heart and soul to. It does not matter if the tuxedo fits, there is a very good chance that he will never get to wear one as he stands at the altar with his soulmate.

This is why it is more than just a word talking about an institution, why the fight for marriage equality is not a fight to grant some the right to join in a union that millions around the world never even think twice about whether or not it is even legal. No, it is a fight for one person to be able to stand up and say "I am a human, with the same rights as you."

The fight for civil liberties in the United States did not end with desegregation and the passing of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Discrimination did not just end, racist hate did not simply go away. It is a fight that continues to this day, and it only continues because there are many that believe that just because the color of the skin is different, that one race is somehow better than another. Person Y may hate Person Z because they have different skin colors, racial backgrounds, ethnicities, or even cultures, but that absolutely does not give Person Y the right to pass laws that restricts Person Z's rights. We laud the civil rights leaders for their successes in the fight for equality, and most Americans would laugh at the idea of de-legalizing interracial marriage. "Pass a law that says a black man cannot become president? How silly would THAT be?"

Except that that is exactly the same as saying that a lesbian cannot become President. Oh, we wont come out and say "No lesbians allowed on MY watch!" But it amounts to the same. We are still guilty of mass discrimination, we still turn our noses up and say "We are free, but YOU are not. Now go back to your corner."

"But, but, but…" you might say to me. "What about the Bible? And the Law of God?"

First, where in the Constitution of the United States does it say that WE THE PEOPLE are to subject ourselves to Biblical law, or to the law of ANY religion? Let me give you a spoiler, it does not. What it DOES say is:

 Article VI (3)

3: The Senators and Representatives before mentioned, and the Members of the several State Legislatures, and all executive and judicial Officers, both of the United States and of the several States, shall be bound by Oath or Affirmation, to support this Constitution; but no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States.

And

 Article I of the Bill of Rights (also the First Amendment)

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

But, let us ignore federal law, and let us instead focus on the purely Biblical aspects.

 Leviticus 20:13

If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood [shall be] upon them.

 Leviticus 18:22

Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it [is] abomination.

Wow. That does sound pretty damning. For those of you that have not spent long hours pouring over the Bible, Leviticus is a long list of Thou Shalts and Thou Shalt Nots. It is basically the terms and conditions of God's Covenant With Man. It details not only the laws of God, but lists the punishments both temporal and spiritual for breaking these laws. It all pours from the premise that Mankind has sinned and without repentance, sacrifice, and a strict adherence to God's law, Man is damned to eternal hellfire and separation from God.

Except, according to New Testament Christianity, the ultimate sacrifice was made.

 John 1:14

And The Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld his glory, the glory as of The Only Begotten of The Father, full of grace and truth.

Yeshua bin Yoseph was born of a virgin and walked among us, and fulfilled the law. At the Sermon on the Mount, he spoke on it and said:

 Matthew 5:17

Do not think that I have come to revoke The Written Law or The Prophets; I am not come to revoke but to fulfill.

So, because of the sacrifice of the Word-Become-Flesh, the old laws of Leviticus were no longer applicable. If a Christian accepts the Lord Jesus as their savior, then they no longer need to adhere to draconian dietary laws, refuse to wear multiple types of fabrics, never shave their forelocks, etc. etc. etc. As for homosexuality? What did Jesus say about it?

 The New Testament

…

But, the New Testament does have some beautiful words on love.

 John 13:34-35

“I give a new commandment to you: 'Love one another; just as I have loved you, you should also love one another.' “ 35“Every person will know by this that you are my disciples, if you shall have love one to the other.”

 1st John 4:7-12

7Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God, 8Because God is love, and everyone who does not love does not know God. 9In this the love of God is known to us: for God sent his only Son to the world so that it shall live by him. 10In this is love: it was not that we loved God, but he has loved us, and he sent us his Son, the atonement for the sake of our sins. 11Beloved, if God loves us in this way, we are indebted also to love one another. 12No person has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God abides in us, and his love is fulfilled in us.

So, I ask you: If Yeshua spoke to us of love, loving each other as we love ourselves, if his teachings lead John to say that if we love one another, God abides in us, then why must you speak only of Homosexuality as an abomination worthy of hate? I can understand that you may not wish to engage in homosexual acts, and that is a choice that YOU make, but why must you make that choice for everyone? And if you insist that it is biblically imperative for you to abolish homosexuality, then why are you getting divorced, wearing unbiblical clothing, shaving all the time, and engaging in other prohibited activities? I do not believe that you get the luxury to pick and choose. Either you accept that Yeshua abolished the law and came to be your savior, or you deny him as Peter did and continue to preach the Biblical law Yeshua DIED to fulfill.

To conclude what has become a far lengthier sermon than I intended to write, I leave you with this thought. Above I posted a link to a video of a young Jewish boy speaking from his heart about Marriage equality. A boy who carries a belief in a religion that has at its core a law that states that homosexuality is an abomination. And yet, he has the courage to speak out in front of his congregation, his friends, family, peers, against inequality. He speaks out in favor of love, in favor of peace, in favor of all the things that I believe Yeshua was trying to tell us. Love your neighbor as you love thyself.

So far, all I can really say, is there are an awful lot of Christians that seem to really hate who they have become.

My Kit

My kit:

• 16x natural & 8x scarlet 8m x 5mm + 8x 2m x 5mm Omegajute.
• Rope Conditioning: Rope Rx by BBH
• 8" Aluminum Shibari Ring from Blue Diamond Trading Co.
• 6x OvalWire wire-gate carabiners from Black Diamond Climbing
• 1x 6.5" Rescue Hook from Benchmade
• Sheathed Marlinspike from Myerchin
• The Serenity Suspension System from Serenity Bound
• 1x 50ft x 6mm hemp for setting a hard point.
• 2x 120cm x 18mm Black Diamond nylon runners for hard points
• 1x 30cm x 18mm Black Diamond nylon runner for dungeon hard points
• 1x 25kn Delta Swivel by Fusion

• I've tied with all kinds of rope over the years. I've tied with jute from several different vendors and have learned to appreciate jute over any other rope types for just about everything. Granted, I still use nylon in my water bondage for safety reasons, but I vastly prefer jute as my workhorse when it comes to performance, practice, and instruction. I chose Omegajute after working with several other vendors because I love the texture and flow of omegamann's jute over any other I've tried. It's strong, smooth, and very resilient. I love how tightly spun it is, and it flows well in my hands. I put my money where my mouth is, and actually purchase this rope. I've been offered free kits from other vendors, but none of them match up to the quality of Omegajute.

• I've tried a lot of different conditioning practices. Some work, some work but changes the texture of my rope into something I don't like, some just fail. I've wanted to try some of the beeswax conditioning types, so I tried the pure beeswax, and then mixed a little of my own. In the end, the stuff I got from BBH Rope has turned out to be the best. Great scent, good feel to the rope, no weird waxy textures, no random waxy flakes. Good stuff, for sure.

• If you'd asked me a year ago that I'd be absolutely in love with a suspension ring, I'd tell you you were out of your mind. I think a good ring is a damn important part of any tie, as opposed to tying with just carabiners, but I never really appreciated the differences between the different rings. I originally tied with the Triskeli from Twisted Monk, and I am still a fan to a certain degree. However, that was because I hadn't tied with the BDTC ring yet. At Shibaricon last year I got the opportunity to do so, and I was sold. While BDTC does produce a fine line of excellent rings, their large aluminum shibari ring still does it for me in every way. I love the look, the feel, the weight, and the security of it. The thick diameter of the ring helps my rope to flow smoothly over it, and I don't get any of the kinks in my rope that comes from working with a thinner ring. It's incredible, definitely.

• I use the OvalWire because they're light, strong, visually symmetrical, and (most importantly) they fit the thick girth of my BDTC ring. I use them all over the place, as friction protectors for speedlifting in my ties, rope separators on my ring, as contact points to surfaces that might otherwise tear up my jute. I think that even when tying on a ring, it is essential to split the rope up if one is trying a dynamic or a transition suspension, and these do nicely.

• Why do I use a safety hook as opposed to safety shears? EMT shears were designed to cut clothing, a hook was designed to cut rope. Simple as that.

• I've written a full review of the Serenity Suspension System here.

• I don't always use the 50' hemp for hardpoints, but it's nice to have when the point I'm attaching to is really high. Sometimes I use a 30ft length of 550 paracord, sometimes I use a climbing strap. Depends on what I'm attaching to, how high off the ground it is, the texture of what I'm attaching to, etc.

• Swivel? Why not?